The Famous Shoe-On-Fire Photo

The Famous Shoe-On-Fire Photo
One day at the Beale apartment, Chuck decided it was funny to light his shoe sole on fire.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Brief List of Chuckisms: A.K.A. Annoying Repeated Phrases!

"You owe me money!" (from George C. Scott in The Hustler)

"Billy, is it OK if I kill you?" ...or... "Billy, is it OK if I tear up your comic books?"

"You know what? Everything tastes better when it sits on Ritz!" (designed to irritate co-workers at Roa. County)

Pronouncing the word garbage "gabbage". Related to "bad cabbage".

References to Mr. Natural, the Freak Brothers, the Checkered Demon and Mickey Rat.

References to George Jones & Merle Haggard.

"Oh well, well well" (from John Lennon song Well Well Well)

"Do you sell Tree Frog beer? (or other beers with progressively weirder names). No? Then I'm going to come down there and kick your ass."

"Camp Wallawhatoola"

Chuck told me that the "F" I received in the class "Computer, Friend or Foe" stood for Foe.

"Joe Bag of Donuts & tomato can" (boxing slang)

"He was poking his finger in my face" (favorite line from a story about Ringo Starr & Paul McCartney)

"I'll bark at you later."

"If I'm up, you're up." (borrowed from Mike White) --Bill

"Git on witcha… ya gimme heartboin!" (apparently from Bugs Bunny so sez Ashley).

"It won't dog down!"
"You mean it won't go down?"
"No, I mean it won't dog down!" (exchange between Chuck and one of his beloved elderly Roanoke County colleagues)---Scott

Bill's Version of the Notorious "Please Excuse Greg" Note Story

This is a Chuck and Greg story to which I was an eyewitness. I'm sure you are familiar with it. I don't know if it is suitable for public consumption, but it is typical Chuck style funny. Others probably tell different versions, and they are all factual and accurate.

I think it was senior year. Chuck, Greg and maybe Joey and Tom and Scott and Ashley and Patrick and I were sitting in the cafeteria, and Greg said he should get to math class, because it had already started.

As a joke, Chuck wrote Greg a completely inappropriate tardy excuse note, signed by the principal, Mr. Lipscomb. Greg read the excuse, laughed, and said he would use it.

Chuck laughed, too. Chuck assumed Greg was in on the joke, and would not really use the tardy excuse. Because this was not a tardy excuse you would show to a teacher.

Greg, however, had not carefully read the excuse. It seems he thought the forged signature of the principal was the entire joke. I guess Greg was willing to take the risk that the teacher would overlook the highly suspect signature, though you would have to ask Greg about that.

Laughing, Greg took the tardy excuse and went to class. We were all laughing. It was funny. Greg wasn't really going to try to get by with that completely inappropriate tardy excuse, was he? Of course not.

Next time I saw Chuck, maybe 2 class periods later, he was in tears of laughter. Barely able to talk from laughing. Greg had used the tardy excuse. Greg showed the tardy excuse to the math teacher and was immediately sent to the principal's office.

Greg was sent to the principal's office because the excuse Chuck had written read "Please excuse Greg. He was taking a shit. Signed, Mr. Lipscomb."

Chuck told me years later that Mrs. Barker had talked to the principal about it, and he still remembered the incident and thought it was very funny.

Bill H.

Mayfield v. Haggard

Yesterday I was out at my Dad's, and I was trying to locate a cassette tape he was looking for...and I ran across a tape Chuck made some years back.

I think that Chuck was possibly the only person in the world who put Curtis Mayfield on side A, and Merle Haggard on side B....

Hope all are well


Chuck, Trey and the Ogresses

When Chuck and I were at Roanoke College, we drank a lot of $.35 drafts at the Barrel House. One night we were there drinking when we somehow found ourselves sitting at our table with a couple of women.

Actually, women might not be the correct word; perhaps “ogresses” would be better. I don’t know if they told us their names or not, but Chuck and I agreed that we’d refer to them as Matilda and Ethel.

Anyway, the more we talked with them, the more obvious it became that they were willing to take us to their apartment and “break in” us young bucks (that’s how they put it, anyway.) Now you’d think that women I’d just described as ogresses, and that we agreed to call Matilda and Ethel, wouldn’t interest us at all, but you’d be wrong: we were drunk, and virginal (I know I was, and I assume Chuck was as well), and that gap in Matilda’s teeth where three were missing was looking pretty darned good. When they got up to go to the bathroom I told Chuck I wouldn’t tell anybody if he didn’t, and he agreed. (I think it’s okay to tell this now, because of how it turned out.)

The “girls” came back, in all their grotesque, fat, greasy glory, and asked if we were ready to leave. They told us to go out and wait for them, as they’d have to ditch their boyfriends (who were playing pool in the back) and would be right out. When we got outside, the cold air must have cleared our heads because we looked at each other and Chuck said “Let’s just go.” We got in my car (remember the Beetle I drove, anyone?) without another word and left.

When we talked it out later (probably at Hardees, eating a late-night biscuit) we decided it was either a setup, and their boyfriends were going to come out and beat us up and take our money (the women probably could have done it themselves, frankly), or we would have gone with them and done some seriously nasty things with some seriously nasty women. Either way, it would have been painful and embarrassing, so we decided we’d made the right choice.